Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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