I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
