omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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