My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
