I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Damn victory sex feels great
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
