she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
