Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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