ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
