I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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