i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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