escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
