The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
