So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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