We won't sleep together?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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