Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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