I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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