Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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