An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
