she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Two words: blizzard sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
