She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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