Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think your dad took our porno
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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