I wish I could punch you in the face.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can text with my tongue
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
