He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
