I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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