Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
