Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
