Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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