I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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