pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
