We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
