I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize