Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
