these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did i walk over a car last night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to calm my uterus...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
