Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
