Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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