Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
