the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Randomize
