i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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