I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
