oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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