how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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