I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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