This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize