How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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