I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my shit smells like andre
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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