Moan for me like Helen Keller
i barfeds in our rink
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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