i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
