Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
