Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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