So drunk its hurt
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize