My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
