hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
