Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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