Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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