I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
