You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
