my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
