I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize