My brain says no but my pants say off.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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