I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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