I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
bring money and cleavage
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
