If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
