I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
