My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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