im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
