guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
