Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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