awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
so much tequila, so little girl.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
