This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
