There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
