What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
