Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
