I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
