Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
